Initial Impressions Last . Entrance is Great . Parking Attendants Are on Point .
I chime Amy Winehouse rehab under my breath errr mask , A lot of People wearing masks in Benin more like a Goatee 🙂 that aint stopping Conny my pet name for the deadly virus as i make my way to Rehab Bar & Lounge Benin City . A friend From the Hotel says its a cool place to see Benin City Young Up and coming Metro Elite . From The cosy Edo Heritage Hotel about 5mins away in Benin city’s High Brow GRA
You Cant go in Without a Mask ? The Burly Bouncers at The Gate Tell you but Well Thats if You are Poor Unfamous and Important ! I see a party of Five in front who aint wearing ! Fat Mean looking Dudes with Some slinky Chics and they all seem to be Packing !
You notice its a beehive of Activity its about 6pm , Its Open Air Some covered places Some uncovered
Lots of Waiters Moving Around Kudos For The Benin Job Market . I notice about 20 people scattered around sitting down , I see about ten Guys playing Pool . More People are comin in Though .
I join them in a mini Gazebo Stled Open Air Covered room just one Regular sized Pool Table . After a few minutes i understand the underlying ambience . This is not a place for Ajebotas , Sissy in local Parlance , They are smoking and Drinking . looks like a Punters Black Hole . A Few Size me up and go back to their Game .
I am loosely Dressed in Dusty Khakis and a Lumberjack Orange Shirt , Kangol Hat to match and Nike Bouncy Sneakers,The Love harmattan Hate Sun Weather in Dusty Benin is no friend nor foe . I ask for The Mens room from one of The nicer looking Corleone Types ,His name is Sonny , My luck hahahah .
I am amazed it is a tiny tiny space and i look at the Capacity that this place can take . A comfortable 500 People and more and it looks like its just 2 Toilets and they are not on Tolet either . Only the urinals are Open a Bunch of Them about 5 or so .I wonder how that will hold a Full house of Rehabs And Rahabs if its number 2 or a number 1 ! Jeez Man !
I retreat from the Gangster Paradise as from their Gist i can Decipehr they have Cultish Inclinations and Yahoo Yahoo Written all over Them . .
Sort of Compton and Wal Street if you know how i mean 🙂
I head to The main Covered Bar Two Screens are on . Its Football . I choose a seat . . Look Around and Notice The Help are dressed in a White and Burgundy Contrast . Not cheerful i will say but just efficiently come up to me and take my Order , A Star Beer Aka Shine shine bobo even proudly written all over it .
I take a sip no shine just a medium cold beer i know will turn warm in a few minutes in this open air then I notice the Flies . Woah ! Big Flies little Flies Some Drunk Some not so Drunk as they dodge my Attempts to Catch Them . ITs a Joe Biden Call , I refuse toi unite with them lol and Go Agent Orange on the Mofos !
Make Rehab great Again !
I am no Lord of The flies but i notice an influx of People its 6.30pm Wow 30minutes gone . The DJ Announces its Karaoke Night they are Two , One is The MC not bad voice but looks like he has his job cut out for him that night as the 400naira a Pop for a Drink here thats about a Dollar and then some is not enticing enough to get some oos and aaahs .
The Drink is Strong yeah not a Bud light i dare say Nigerians Can Drink and the Darn Flies are not paying either from slurping off my Shine Bobo Boy or whatever its called . A Few Dark Ladies of The Twilight People glance at me am not in the mood never will be i Pray .With So many Tough Looking guys with their Obvious Companions which my Eye Tells me May be Call Girls or Escorts from my Ruminations in Lagos and Abuja. I dare not strike a convo
No sirree !
Anyway I call for my Bill . Comes to 1500 Naira . Boy Waiter Comes again to tell me There is No Change of 100Naira if i can wait for my 1000 naira and 500 naira note ?
i scowl and wave him away even though i see 100naira in his wad . I smile. better than begging you know
I gather my Belongings Phone and the rest of my Intel Lect and head out ,I notice Suya @the gate . Its Beef Nigerian Jerky Yippee ! usually Tastes a Blast . I approach a Guy with a Chefs Hat With Rehab Emblazoned all over it and ask for 500naira takeaway tasters mash worth . I count 7 Pieces of Tiny Beef decorated with onions and surprised as i know Suya in Abuja the Capital City is much more than this .
The other Of his cleintele seem to catch on too and I ask Them is this 500 Naira Suaya Two Ladies are already angry they Shout at him This no be Suya ,it sure is i reckon but they from their attire are Rahabs Without Walls . Well anyway he has my 5c note already and i take what i can get and Hail a Taxi back to The Hotel .I hear There IS a Curfew At 10 , You dont want to be out late in Benin City at Any Time neither lol
Not Trying to be a Spoil Sport for Their Business but I think they have a Lot of Customers as I see The Place already Filling up with Cars Everywhere and Guys and Girls ,This is a Compton Winos Paradise and A Wine Ho Ho Ho Den if you excuse my French with Unrepentant Rahabs ,Cardi B and Nicki Minaj will be embarased at these Fashonaistas Show of Skin !
and with the Few Nice Joshuas .Go At your own risk or Go with Someone who knows his way Around Town and Bring your Own Company .I dont mean where your company work, Your Women Silly !
If they have a Manager he/she has his work cut out in the Branding Dept . this is a Controlled Wild Wild West in my opinion
Food 4/10
Drinks 5/10
Music & Atmosphere – 7/10 Its loud and Rowdy Roddy Piperish if Thats your kind of thing ish
Staff 5/10
Advice . Get a Place where people can choose between looking nice or looking tough and ornery .Too loud there should be a Room Closed that is for People who want to be Indoors no smoking etc , And Get a Flycatcher or leave Swats on tables Puhlease !
Lordy ! Thing is Coming to Benin city After 7 Years to A place so recommended and To Nigeria Back Again from last year bothers me a lot , A whole darn lot ! I wont be coming for A Rehab next time if you try to make me go to Rehab . I say No No No !
I leave all of yers yall @rehab with Amy
enjoy the music
Next Review Bolt Taxi Service an Uber Lyft Clone
Golf Course, Market Square,Rave Club Lavidam,Jokers,Hexagon Bar ,Edo Heritage Hotel,Randekhi Hotel Ogba Zoological Gardens
Frank Adeche Writes From Benin enroute back to the US on A Tour of Nigeria
Comments are Very Welcome if you have a nice place of interest ple let me know !
